Scott Baio has just dealt a devastating blow to a majority of the remaining presidential candidates still competing in the 2016 race.
The washed-up former kid actor who is perhaps best known for his role in the cringe worthy “Happy Days” spin-off, “Joanie Loves Chachi,” a ghastly unfunny television series which lasted just seven episodes after being mercifully cancelled after dismal ratings in the midst of ABC’s nightmarish Fall 1982 season, announced his official endorsement of Republican frontrunner Donald Trump yesterday in a much-anticipated press conference.
When informed of the coveted endorsement, Trump’s response was characteristically unfiltered and straightforward. “Scott Baio? [blank stare] Who the fuck is Scott Baio?”
When informed that Baio, now 55, had once appeared in the modestly-successful comedy “Zapped!” along with actresses Heather Thomas and Felice Schachter, Trump reported said, “Can I get Heather and Felice to endorse me, too? While you’re at it, check to see if Felice is Eastern European and find out if she’s single.”
Baio’s announcement on Sunday to a room packed with reporters all but ends the presidential aspirations of Trump’s two major Republican rivals, Ted Cruz and John Kasich, who were crushed after failing to secure the former child-star’s political backing. Ben Carson, who announced recently that he intends to operate on his own brain and have his hand guided by God, couldn’t be reached for comment.
Meanwhile, the two leading Democrats were equally disheartened at failing to secure Baio’s approval. Later today, Bernie Sanders is expected to suspend his presidential campaign. Hillary Clinton appeared utterly stunned when told of the endorsement. “A dozen political scandals over the past 25 years — that I can deal with,” Clinton reportedly confided in an adviser. “Losing Scott Baio’s endorsement — now, I’m really fucked.”
Sen. Sanders took the news particularly hard. “These past few weeks, I’ve picked up political endorsements from Neil Young, Will Farrell, Sarah Silverman, Danny DeVito, Mark Ruffalo, Spike Lee, John C. Reilly, and Jeremy Piven,” Sanders told a disappointed crowd. “But without Baio, I simple can’t continue. Effective immediately — I quit.”
It remains to be seen what contributions Baio will make to the Trump campaign. He once put out an album that was universally panned by critics, a self-titled debut of painfully-embarrassing love songs which currently retails on Amazon, “used and in good condition” for 50-cents, plus $12.95 for shipping and handling. Baio has even offered to personally write and perform Trump’s official campaign song, which purportedly triggered collective gasps from those closest to the Trump political hierarchy.
Baio’s mega-star status is expected to be a real game changer in a volatile yet close election given the considerable credibility of his ambitious career choices over the last three decades. “Given his career path, endorsing Donald Trump does seem like the logical next step,” said conservative political pundit David Gergen on CNN. “Joanie Loves Chachi, Zapped, Donald Trump….it all fits together.”
After a string obscure roles and one-hit television appearances during the remainder of the 1980’s, Baio resurfaced once again in the dreadful 1991 television remake of “Looks Who’s Talking,” titled “Baby Talk.” His movie credits include a multitude of undistinguished film roles in “Detonator,” “Bar-Hopping,” “Dumb Luck,” “Face Value,” and Danielle Steel’s Mixed Blessings.” Baio’s other cinematic gems have included “Very Mean Men,” “Face to Face,” and “The Bread, My Sweet.” Some of the movies are still available on video-cassette from various online clearinghouses.
Later, after Trump had sufficient time to discover who in fact Scott Baio is, and reflect on what little he’s done over the last 34 years trying to remain relevant in Hollywood, the boisterous businessman was even less enthusiastic about the endorsement. “Isn’t he that guy who was funny on that Raymond show?” Trump asked. “Oh, that was Ray Romano. Never mind. All those Italian guys look alike.”
Trump later became incensed when he found out that he’s Baio’s second choice among this year’s slate of candidates. Last summer, Biaio, in a desperate move to salvage some press coverage for his fledgling career as an actor, publicly endorsed Scott Walker, the embroiled Governor of Wisconsin. “I just found out that Scott Baio endorsed Gov. Scott Walker last year in the Republican race — not me. Scott fucking Walker! Can you believe that? I’m getting sloppy seconds here. What did Scott Baio’s endorsement do for Walker? Wow, this Scott Baio sure sounds like a loser.”
Scott Baio’s endorsement leaves just one more major endorsement remaining, which could tip the outcome of the 2016 presidential election. Next, the world breathlessly awaits a major announcement from former child star Macaulay Culkin. In between drug busts, he was last seen pleading with a movie studio to make yet another sequel to “Home Alone.” The plot is reported to be the story of a 35-year-old unemployed actor still living in his parent’s basement who foils a home invasion by a 74-year-old burglar played by Joe Pesci who drops the F-bomb 439 times in the 2-hour script.
Special thanks to my Las Vegas pal, Joe Pane for posting a FOX News clip to his Facebook page earlier today, of Scott Baio endorsing Trump. That was the impetus for this article.
The post Waiting Game Ends: Scott Baio Endorses Donald Trump appeared first on Nolan Dalla.